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Pre-Forgiveness: How to Heal Your Heart


Forgiveness is a word we may hear thrown around a lot as an instruction. It’s easier said than done, right? 


We typically see forgiveness as a function of social resolution, to appease a relationship wound or situation. But when I studied the heart chakra of the energy body with Caroline Myss, I took a deeper look into what forgiveness truly is.


Defined simply, forgiveness is a means to reconcile one’s own energy concerning a situation. Though it can be sometimes, it is not limited as a mental decision to let go of the past. We typically think of forgiveness as a “right” answer to the pains of the past. However, reconceiving the idea of forgiveness allows a new way of living - what I want to call pre-forgiveness.


To understand pre-forgiveness, one must first understand forgiveness in a new perspective. 


  • Exercise: Think of a time someone hurt you. Does the memory carry an intense emotional pain or is it a mild feeling? By recalling the emotional pain it caused for you, you will see if you have been able to let it go or not. 


What exactly do we let go in forgiveness? The emotional pain is something we are supposed to experience. By hurting in the moment with the offensive action, we allow our emotional body to have its voice, its power, and its purpose. It is okay to hurt in the present with the recent situation.


What isn’t right is when that emotional energy is withheld. Pent-up or numbed energy can stay in our energy body, transforming itself into mental, physical, or other spiritual pains. Most emotional energies are based in the heart, although its energy can be felt or stored anywhere. Forgiveness is the process needed to cleanse the heart and emotional body from these types of wounds. 


Forgiveness is like going to the doctor or applying a salve to a recent wound. When it is time to move forward on an emotional level from the offensive event, this means our energy body is ready to release the emotional charge held from that event. Thus, you know you have reached a state of forgiveness if you are prepared to feel emotions about the event but the emotions do not come with an intense charge. 


Now that we have an idea of where and how forgiveness has its place, allow me to demonstrate how forgiveness can be applied into the future. It is very common to associate forgiveness with past events. However, forgiveness is a spiritual movement and spirit does not hold the concept of linear time, to which the human brain is accustomed. Therefore, forgiveness can be chosen and prepared in the heart and energy body for future offensive events.


Pre-forgiveness can allow an event in the future to become a point of emotional and spiritual growth for oneself. Living in an imperfect world guarantees we will have our moments of pain and other emotional challenges. Growth happens because we choose to do something a little bit more “right” the next time. Because of the process of growth, we can help ourselves to be “more forgiving” in the future.


By deciding now to remain in a state of pre-forgiveness does not excuse one from not feeling the emotional pain. Rather, it is a motto to move through the pain as it occurs and let it go once it has been properly held in a healthy way. Forgiveness allows the pain within oneself to move on and move out; by dedicating yourself to this process for the future, you are setting your heart in a continual state of pre-forgiveness, remaining aware of the emotional readiness to let it go.


Letting something go with pre-forgiveness is a new way of life. Allowing your emotional body to keep that charge - only for a proper time period - yet not allowing yourself to go numb is living in a state of a continual readiness of mindset and heart. Being ready to let that charge go is remaining in a mode of pre-forgiveness.


  • Exercise: Take a moment to think of an event that could happen in the near future. If something goes wrong or becomes hurtful to you, what three steps can you set for yourself to help let go of the emotional charge (after it has had its time) and move forward in your emotional health?


Giving a moment to feel the pain shortly does not hurt; not allowing yourself to feel the pain does hurt. Psychology teaches “neurons that wire together, fire together.” This means that the brain has a pattern of habits based on previous experiences. Pre-forgiveness allows your mind to grow accustomed to a new protocol for responding to hurtful events by rerouting the habitual brain to let go of the emotional charge quicker and in a healthier way.  


Choosing to let go of the emotional charge from the past and choosing to not hold onto future emotional charges are the same spiritual action. Forgiveness of the past and forgiveness of the future does not adhere to laws of time. These are matters of will which originate in the heart. 


Myss, Caroline (1996). Anatomy of the Spirit: The Seven Stages of Power and Healing. Harmony.


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